Author & Founder Lorna Moorhead

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What happened to my sex drive and how do I get it back?

What happened to my sex drive and how do I get it back?
Question: I know this question will make some people uncomfortable, but I am at my wits end and need advice. What do I do about my decreased libido? I have a zero sex drive and it is depressing me. When my husband and I are intimate, it's great, but if I never have it again I could care less. We are intimate maybe twice a month and I feel horribly guilty as my husband needs it a lot more. It's gotten to the point that I don't want him to kiss or hug me because he gets aroused and wants more. I feel like I'm rejecting him and feel awful. Lately he's been making jokes about our lack of sex and every time a piece of me dies inside. I don't know how to talk to him about it. I love him very much and I don't want to lose him, but this is tearing me up inside. I feel that he doesn't really know what I'm going through because he won't educate himself about MS. Please, if some one has any advice I could use it, I feel so alone. I've never seen anything written about this problem and I don't believe that I am the only

RESPONSES:

MARY C.:  Hi, God love ya darling you are not alone with this problem. I have the same problem. You must talk to your husband about it, I finally did & as I cried he held me & we are closer than ever. My husband didn't want to learn about MS either. He still doesn't want to know much about MS yet, if I am Having a problem give it to him in a nut shell, the smaller the better. You need to communicate with your husband, then go talk with your gynecologist explain the whole problem, he can help. It is easier for me to talk to my gyno about this kind of a problem. Try talking to your Drs nurse whatever, whoever is easier for you to talk to. God Bless you, I will be praying for you. Please let me know how this turns out.

MSDEB :You are definitely not alone in this problem. I had a similar situation, and it was compounded by the fact that I was going through premature menopause as a result of taking Cytoxan (chemotherapy) to get my MS under control. It's important that you talk with your husband about your worries and do it at a time when you can both sit down uninterrupted and really communicate. Not wanting to know about MS is a form of denial for him so treat the situation delicately, but don't be afraid to open up to him and let him know how much you are hurting emotionally. That's what a husband is for - to be your crutch and supporter in time of need. There's a book entitled "Multiple Sclerosis: A Guide for Families" by Rosalind Kalb, Ph. D that has a chapter on MS and Intimacy. I recently ran across a website called The World of Multiple Sclerosis that's planning a series soon on sexual issues. MS Watch www.mswatch.com has covered this topic many times in their question and answer section. The information can be located in the archives. Talk with your gynecologist or nurse about it. They will be a lot more understanding than your neurologist. Often times, if you're experiencing problems with sex you are having some bladder issues too. Have you considered seeing a urologist? I saw one who was experienced in MS and he was very helpful. Good luck,  and hang in there. The reality is things won't be the same as before but you can find ways to make things better.

STACY : I have addressed this problem myself and it was the most uncomfortable thing I have ever done. First of all review the types of medication you are on and any side effects that they may have. I am on Prozac which can reduce the sex drive and make sexual fulfillment difficult. My doctor initially suggested that I go off of Prozac to see if that was indeed the problem. I did this without talking to my husband and found that I do need to continue with my Prozac. My husband did notice the difference and I was forced into this discussion with him. That was the best thing that ever happened. My husband had not realized what I was going through or what I was feeling. In fact he was feeling insecure because he thought it was him. Now we spend more time arousing one another and he pays a lot of attention to my needs. Also if you have not talked to your doctor swallow the embarrassment and talk to him. There are medication that can help or you may just need to alter the medications you are already on. Hope this helps.

PAT: I thought I was alone with this problem. I blamed it on all the meds I am on. My husband is the greatest though we only have sex rarely, but when we do LOOK OUT we make up for the lack of it. My advice is only to try to build up strength for that special time and in between do little lovey things, like write nose and leave in his jacket pocket just to tell him that you love him. I am very fortunate. My hubby of 32 years said he took vows and the tables could be reversed and he could be the one who is sick, so he will never lever leave me till death due us part. I don't know if I helped at all but I tried. If you care to keep in touch!

JANET:  I imagine you are concerned. I know it's not easy. When I was dx I had pain in my legs and it was hard to feel sexual in anyway at all. I had a new illness to cope with and also an illness that affected me sexually and most of the time, made me want to be just left alone. It took time but things did get better. I know you love your husband...it shows in your words. Try to talk to him and let him know how you're feeling... be loving and honest. You might be surprised at how much he will understand. Perhaps also talk with your Dr. and ask his advice. Hang in there and know you're not alone.