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Waiting for remission to have baby.
Name: Carolyn
Question: I have recently been diagnosed with RRMS, I Have had two rounds of steroids and cannot kick this into remission- the shots are out- we want to have a baby any other ideas to help get this back into remission?
Advice Panel Answers:
J.V. Williams writes: I hate it but to tell you the truth I think the MS just goes into remission when it gets ready. BUT great to hear about the baby. Good luck. I hope another can help you with this one.

Kookcow says: Everyone that I know that is trying to have a baby while on MS tells me they like the book that has just been written "Having a baby and MS".

Cindi writes: I can understand the importance of starting a family, it was important to me as well. Unless the clock is ticking away against you. You may want to consider starting one of the ABC's, at least until you've gotten your MS in control. Then plan on having the baby. If the steroids haven't worked for you, you may want to look at the dosage, see if you received the maximum allowable, if not, go for one more round. If you have gotten the max, then the only other thing I advise would be rest, rest, rest until it levels out and you feel more in control. I know I always felt good while pregnant, I did have some problems after my third one, but overcame it in a short time, I don't necessarily think it was MS related however. Good luck to you on your decision to become pregnant.

Advice:
Lorna (MS Moms President & mother of 4 ¾ yr old boy)
Mary,
I may sound a bit rough, but I have been experiencing the same thing with my son. Though he is younger he has less responsibility then your boys , but there are some things he SHOULD be doing by himself. After consulting my various parenting books (which of course all give completely different instructions on how to handle this) I decided to try goal charts. Consider goal charts a form of parental bribery. They want to see that new "hot" movie? They get to pick a chore to do all week. Each day they do this chore, such as cleaning living room, they get a sticker or a mark on a little chart you keep on the fridge. At the end of the week, or month, you decide, if they have done their chore each day, they get what they want.

If this doesn't work, I'd next move on to parental force. ( No I don't mean use of a cattle prod, although many of us parents have had these ideas at one time or another.) i mean, you get three chances you don't do it, you get stuck in your room. time outs may seem really "childish" and "lame" to them, but it just might scare them into helping.

Finally, I am sure you have explained your MS to your sons. they are old enough to understand the effects it has on you. I am not suggesting you do not try to talk to them rationally about it, I am just suggesting that while parents love the idea of rational, logical, conversations, kids don't. Kids don't look at us and say "Gee, I'm so glad you put it that way, how selfish I've been!" If they did , this would be so much easier!

A great book to read would be: "1-2-3 Magic!" You can find it on our Bookstore page. Hope this helps.

Dear Mary,
You need to have a sit down talk with feedback from your boys so you know they know what it is you are telling them. And then tell them this or in your own words of course. I just had the same talk with my 9 year old yesterday. First you make them out a list of things that are their responsibility. Educate them about what is going on with you and why in simple words. And tell them even if you were capable of doing the things you are asking them to do they would still be helping.

Tell them you are trying to do the best you can to make them responsible for life in general and that responsibility straits at home. They can not possibly read you mind so to keep from having it is a bad day for mommy conversation make a smiley face and put it on the refrigerator. When you are having a bad day turn the face upside down then they will know it is not a good day for mommy and that they need to be on their best behavior because you won't put up with a bunch of garbage on that day.

They are boys so this cleaning of their room is a difficult thing. Here is what I did and only had to do it once. Take it all out and away from them except their bed and dresser . They do not care about their belongings so you mustn't either so to speak Give them one thing to be responsible for, to go back in their room . When they get good at keeping that taken care of give them another. This may sound a bit off the wall but it teaches them a sense of pride and respect for their stuff and yours.

ms mommy to ms mommy, J.V.Williams

Dawn (mother of 5 ½ year old girl): "I really think that you need to sit down with your boys and explain to them the whole situation. That sometimes you feel tired because of the disease and that the family really needs to pull together through the hard times. Let them know that mom is going to need their help around the house and that
you appreciate all that they do for you. The older one seems to help you out and maybe by him helping out and encouraging the younger one, it will work out in the long run:)

Cindi (mother of 3 teenagers): Wow, a 7 and a 9 year old, that will keep you busy. The one thing about kids that age that's difficult for them to do, is remember a long detailed list and to pay attention for more than one minute for each year of age they are. That would give the 7 year old an attention span of approx. 7 minutes and the 9 year old for 9 minutes. The kids are old enough to do the chores you stated, as long as you don't expect them to do them "your way". It may just be too much for them to remember over too long a period of time. Plus if you haven't already, you need to explain the fatigue and inability to do some things in terms they can understand. Such as "if you were to try and hop on one foot for half an hour, your leg would get tired, and feel like you just can't hop one more time, that's how Mommy feels after only 5 or 10 minutes of ( what-ever ??).

You could ask each one to tell you what they think that chore involves and from that make a list for them. Break each list down into different tasks, such as scrape and stack the dishes. Then wash and rinse the dishes, then dry and put away. You could also have them share the chore, with the older one doing some of the more involved parts of the task, until the younger one catches on.

Kids will want to automatically help you, they feel bad when you feel bad, but also want to be recognized for what they accomplish. They don't necessarily understand the true responsibilities at that age and shouldn't be expected to.

Hope you're able to get them to help more and understand how you're feeling.

Just another Mom